Tis the Season
by Wynter-Solstice
Summary: Christmas makes heartbreak all the more real. Neither Thor nor Loki are prepared to admit that they co-exist in a world that includes the other. And they still don't in this Christmas story...


**Having watched _Thor: The Dark World_, writing was inevitable. But, I found that no matter times I looked at it, it still left me feeling sad... for want of a better word, with regard to Loki, that is. His personality seemed so different compared to the Loki in _Thor_, or even in _The Avengers._ And I hope in this, I captured it right.**

**This was written in ode to my uncle who passed away on New Years' Day 2008, and in light of the season at hand.**

**Merry Christmas everyone.**

* * *

"_You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time, you carry them in your heart, your mind, your stomach… Because you do not live in a world, but a world lives in you."_

Frederick Buechner

* * *

**NEW YORK CITY,**

**MIDGARD**

"Lighten up, Mr. Fiancé. The eggnog's not going to bite you," Darcy said, handing Thor a large mug.

The New York City skyline stood prominently in the distance, and he was knocked out his reverie of a time not too long past when he strode… or flew, as the situation called for it… the streets, defending Midgard against the might of the Chitauri. He fixed his gaze on hers, rather than staring out through the window. There was nothing to come out of thoughts like that. It brought his mind to recover memories that were best left untouched.

"This… Christmas," he said slowly, eyeing the snowflake in the background that lazily fell, "Is new to me. We have no such celebration on Asgard."

"Why…?" Darcy began, but cut off. "Well, I suppose it makes sense. You with your Norse-ness…"

She flopped onto the seat beside him. "You happen to be in luck. I'm an expert on this."

"Really?" Thor murmured. Jane had warned that Darcy was prone to _mischief_… And there it was again. The memory. The thought. The unsaid word that ought to have been spoken.

"Don't listen to her, Thor," he heard Jane call from the kitchen, "She's an expert on spending all her money and then wheedling everyone else out of house and home."

Darcy raised her hands in mock surrender, "Guilty as charged."

They laughed, but Thor's smile died on his lips. Jane noticed. She always noticed. He heard the stove switch off, and the footsteps enter the room. He felt her shadow cross his features, but could not meet her eyes.

This was different. It wasn't like talking of the Yggdrysil, or teaching her about the Infinity Stones. It wasn't like speaking of all the ways New York taxi drivers freaked him out, though he towered above them. It wasn't _easy. _Homesickness, he realized, was as deadly as the final blow in battle. That point where you finally feel that you're about to win, to be attacked on your blind side. To feel hope drain away…

That's what it felt like. He won the war, but never did he consider everything that he lost along the way.

Jane pressed her hand against his chin. "Thor," she whispered, and need not have said anything else.

The stray tear rolled down his cheek. Jane let it fall.

"It's what Christmas makes us all feel," she said, "We can feel the loss and the heartache so much more than usual. It's a time we're prone to homesickness." She raised her hand to her eyes. "Oh look, you have me crying too. I've missed my parents every year since they died. But this year feels different. I have you…"

"Jane. Do not discredit my love for you. But this is more than… I'm in the mourning I was not able to have for... my brother."

"Just when you all were being to bore me," Darcy said, fake yawning, "That's not the brother that tried to subjugate the world AND destroyed Forever 21 down in Manhattan?"

"I'm fairly certain it was New York, Darcy."

"Same difference. But that's him, right? Loki- green cape with the horns?"

"Yes… But he hadn't worn the helmet in a while."

"Didn't he d-"

"Now's a good time to shut up Darcy," Jane said.

The younger girl registered Thor's guarded expression, and Jane's annoyance. "Okay… Sorry big guy, I just… I'll come back later, 'kay?"

She turned to go, but Thor spoke up. "It's alright. I have to get over it eventually."

"Eventually is not yet," Darcy replied, "I should've known."

She left the room, shutting the door behind her.

"I'm sorry about that. Darcy is…"

"Impulsive. Irrational. Crazy."

"Those are some of the words that come to mind, but it's no excuse…"

"Don't worry about it, Jane. He never really showed that he cared much about anyone, my brother. And I think that's what people saw most about him. But when we went to Svartalfheim… I don't know. It was the brother I grew up with. The one who I trusted with my life, and vice versa. I wish he had stayed longer."

"It's okay, Thor."

"It's not," Thor said, shaking his head. "It's not okay… What do Midgardians do in times like these?"

Jane took a moment's pause. "We remember them. Re-tell the stories. Because… Because if they don't die out from our hearts, they live forever."

…

**ASGARD**

Loki sat on the throne on Asgard, illusion discarded from the moment Thor left the palace exactly one Midgardian month previously. _Gungnir_ lay on the floor beside the chair; He was not expecting visitors for a while… In fact, he was not expecting visitors at all. The Nine Realms were at peace, the occasional farmer visited to settle some land dispute. Today though… today was the day that marked his ascension to the throne.

Vaguely he remembered coming home that day, to see the wasted body of his father, self-destroyed by grief and loss. He recalled revealing himself, and asking for forgiveness. His father had said nothing more beside, "If Thor allows it…" before falling into the Odinsleep. Once, Loki had told Thor that he feared the Allfather would never awaken. And the fear was all too real now.

The Warriors Three and Sif were banished from the kingdom prior to Loki's arrival, and while part of him wished to make some form of contact, he knew their response would be the same: "What happened the the Allfather?" "Did you kill him?" "What happened to Thor?"

There were some answers he could not give, because how many of his truths would they believe? He was the God of Mischief… Being king of Asgard could have been his plan all along. They would not trust him.

Heimdall was the only one that stayed near to him. They would never be close, he knew, but he no longer questioned his authority as he once did.

But Thor… Why had he not told him? Why had he not revealed himself and comforted him for the assumed loss? Why not? Anytime he asked himself, the reply was the same selfish one: He wanted the throne.

But Thor would have let you have it anyway, he would counter mentally.

To which he could not respond.

Loki sat alone on the throne.

Things could have been different, he knew. But in all alternate scenarios, Frigga would have been there. And in others, Thor was there too.

…

**MIDGARD**

"Hello, good afternoon. You have reached the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. How can I help you?"

Jane scratched at the wood varnish on the table. "My name is Jane Foster, and I'm calling for a favour."

"Ma'am, what is your clearance level?"

"I don't…" she caught herself, "Level Fifteen," she replied, as confidently as she could.

The man on the other end seemed to be deliberating. "Please hold. I will connect you with Director Fury."

"Thank you."

Jane had no idea who Director Fury was, but from the man's tone, it was no secret that he was highly ranked in the organization.

"Good day, Miss Foster," came the heavy voice over the line, "You all made quite a mess in London one month ago."

She laughed nervously. "So you know…" she near-whispered.

"Very little gets past S.H.I.E.L.D. How is Thor?"

"He's good…. Actually, I'm calling for a favour."

"I heard."

"Loki- Thor's brother. Do you happen to have any pictures of him?"

"Miss Fos-"

"Look, I know it's an odd request, but it's important."

"Odd does not even cover it. I take it this is for Thor? Does he want it for his dart board?"

"Not exactly. But…would you be able to help, please?"

"You'd have it by the morning. And Miss Foster?"

"Yes?" she answered nervously.

"Clearance Levels end at ten."

…

**ASGARD**

"Jane Foster has presented him, what humans call, a photograph of you," Heimdall murmured, peering into the universe.

"A what?" Loki asked.

"It's a way they capture memories. A piece of human plastic where they print a picture that aids in recall."

Loki looked out, focusing on one of the Nine Realms. "I know not what to say."

"Maybe a visit is in order. Maybe the truth."

"I scarcely doubt he would believe me now."

"But does Thor want the truth, or his brother?"

Loki turned to look at Heimdall, and briefly wondered how well he saw. Was it just the coming and going of the Nine Realms, or did he see straight into the heart of all?

"Heimdall, I…"

"Your mother once said that you're so perceptive of everyone but yourself, and today I have seen it. You need him, Loki, as much as he needs you right now. Loneliness never suited anyone. And you may claim to enjoy it, as I have no doubt that you will do, but _sentiment _does not function in that manner. It tunnels into your heart and soul, and you crave being alone to get the mental silence that you want. Yet I would never work… I should know."

"Thank you Heimdall," Loki said, turning on his heels in a fluid motion, before headed back to the palace.

Heimdall watched him go, wondering how this son of Odin ever became such a paradox to him.

…

**MIDGARD**

The cold winter air nipped at Thor's nose, as he wrapped the scarf more tightly around his neck. The streets of New York were full of people, many of whom seemed weighed down by their bags. _Christmas shopping, _he thought. It was a beautiful idea- gifting the people you cared about. Not that you expected something in return… but one felt gratified by their stunned expression when you wished them well.

Thus far, he was fortunate. No one had recognized him. Though, to be far, wrapped in layers of thick polyester and cotton, was a new look for him. Had he been strolling down Fifth Avenue in Asgardian armour, no doubt would he cause a stir, if not a riot.

He shook his head in disbelief. Humans were strange creatures, with wonderful traditions. Only the day before, had Jane told him the Christmas story. A day to honour the birth of a boy who saved the world from damnation, who would've thought. His own customs spoke nothing of such a thing, but he respected Jane's beliefs. She loved him, did she not? It proved that these tales were all interlinked to her… and maybe they were, for all they knew.

He stopped in front of a store, and strode in. A bell announced his entry.

"Hello sir, welcome to Hallmark. Do you need any help?"

He hesitated for a moment. "I'm looking for a card… two cards actually. One for my father and one for my brother."

She smiled knowingly. "Not too sure what to get them?"

"Something like that."

_Later…_

"So I was thinking," Jane began, placing a wrapped box on the table, "That Christmas Day is just the… culmination of the entire season. We shouldn't just give gifts on that day."

"I agree," Thor said, mirroring her actions, "I went to the city today. And an identical thought crossed my mind."

She laughed. "One month with each other, and we already think alike… Who should go first?"

"You should. I want to see your reaction first."

"Fine."

Jane took the box, and easily ripped the tape off in a fluid motion. "Years of practice," she said, in response to Thor's surprised expression. The paper was off within a couple seconds, revealing a gift box.

"Thor, this is _beautiful_," she murmured, revealing a silver chain, with a sapphire for a pendant. "Why?"

"Isn't that what this season is all about? Showing people how much you love them?"

"Kinda… But not to go overboard," she emphasized.

"But you like it?"

She pressed her lips against his for a second. "Of course I do… Now it's your turn."

"It's not jewellery, I hope?"

"I hope you like it."

Delicately, Thor tore open the package. It was in a box, that much he was sure of, but the gift did not rattle. He tore the flap off the box and realized it was a frame… for a photograph… of his brother… of Loki.

"This is…"

"I got it from SHIELD," she began to explain. "Back when he was on Earth, and had gone to Germany, they caught his entire speech on tape. I called in a favour."

""Jane, I…"

"You don't like it."

"No, it's not that. A shock, is all. A beautiful surprise. Jane… thank you. Thank you SO much."

He grabbed her into a tight hug, and she was not that surprised to find that her shirt was becoming moist to the back.

She was not sure how long they stood there, but eventually, Thor stopped crying, and managed to clear his eyes, to say, "Can we visit my father?"

…

**ASGARD**

Heimdall stood at his sentry position, awaiting the call. It may have more appropriate to send a message to the king, but he didn't have the time, nor the heart to do it.

_Thor and Jane took the van out to the countryside, where the houses gave way to fields of corn. "Ready, Jane?" he asked, disembarking the vehicle, followed by the woman. _

_She nodded, and hand-in-hand, they strode the heart of the field. _

"_Heimdall! If you're listening, now's a good time!"_

The Gatekeeper couldn't help but crack a small smile. He was always listening. He steeled himself from the thoughts of the punishment that awaited, once again, more treachery against the state.

Then he plunged his sword into the position, and watched as the Bifrost was set alight.

…

Thor and Jane strode into Asgard. Even after all those years of living there, Thor could not help but marveling at the beauty of the realm. Maybe there was slight bias if he said if was moreso than Earth.

The guards on duty greeted him as an Odinson, and he couldn't help but feel content that his time on Earth, this round, was not as punishment, but one of conscious thought.

He walked into the throne room, remembering his coronation, and stopped in mid-step.

His father was not seated on the throne.

No, no, no, it was someone else…

His father would not fall asleep seated there.

His father did not sport green wear.

His father did not have a horned helmet.

"LOKI!" he shouted across the hall, startling the young man out of his slumber.

"Thor," Loki said, standing, and in that distance, Thor could see the tears in his eyes. "I missed you, brother."

"Don't LIE to me," he rebutted, narrowing the distance between them. "You were… dead. I saw you…"

"I can't explain it," the dark-haired man sighed. "I wish I could, but I can't."

"Rather fortuitous for you, no?"

"But it is the truth."

Thor sighed. "But what of father?"

"He lies in Odinsleep. The… altercation… with Malekith was too much for him."

"Likewise, brother."

The words hung before them, before Loki spoke up.

"Can we forget about all this, Thor, just for today. I presume you came, burdened…"

"Please don't."

"…With glorious purpose."

"And he did… Well, now that you mention it, I came to wish father Merry Christmas. But he's not here right now, so you'd have to do."

"Really brother?"

Thor flashed him a look, and softened it.

"I missed you Loki. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Thor."

"Oh, and brother. This is for you."

"I cannot return the favour."

"Maybe, next time we have a war, don't pretend to be dead."

"I'm not hearing the end of this, am I?"

"Wait till tomorrow… when I have Mjollnir."

"The end is nigh then."

They laughed, and embraced each other.

"I still don't trust you, though," Thor murmured during the hug.

"You shouldn't… But trust that I do care about you… somewhere. Mother saw to that."


End file.
